Simply Speaking

So I’m reading my first Brene Brown book. For those of you who are familiar with her and/or her research, you probably just smiled/screamed/sighed or let out some other expression of excitement. For those of you who are sitting there scratching your head and thinking, “Who?” stay with me as I explain.

Brene Brown, PhD., LMSW, is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She is most well-known for her research on shame, vulnerability, courage, and worthiness. She has now written three books based on this research, while her various TED talks on the subject have gone absolutely viral.

(Instead of providing you with her entire biography, I encourage you to check out her blog if you’re interested in learning more about her. It’s beautiful and fun and more importantly, full of incredible research and resources. I’m loving it right now.)

While it’s not her first one, the book that I’m reading right now is entitled, “Daring Greatly- How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent & Lead.” At the recommendation of a few close friends, I picked up this gem and I haven’t been able to put it down. Taken from Theodore Roosevelt’s speech “Citizenship in a Republic,” Dr. Brown uses the phrase “daring greatly” to mean showing up and letting ourselves be seen.

In other words, being vulnerable.

Vulnerable. Just the word itself can sometimes be enough to make you cringe and cower back into your protective shell. If you’re like me, you totally identify with Dr. Brown’s idea of vulnerability being the first thing you look for in another person, but the last thing you want others to see in yourself.

Vulnerability is scary. It’s messy and it’s raw and it requires you to admit that you don’t have it all together, you don’t live up to society’s expectations, and maybe worst of all, you’re not perfect.

Ouch.

But vulnerability is about being real and it releases you and it’s the key to truly connecting and living in healthy relationship with other people. It’s reaching the point where you can say, “I am enough.”

There are a dozen ways that I have been able to relate to this book, and at times I have felt as though Dr. Brown was speaking directly to me, about me. I was cut to the core by a particular sentence that I read in chapter three: “…research tells us that we judge people in areas where we’re vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than we’re doing.”

So convicting.

Basically, the things that I am most critical of other people about are the very things that I feel most ashamed of in my own life. By focusing my (and other people’s) attention on their flaws, I am distracting myself (and everyone else) from those very same flaws that exist in my own life. I find that for me, this mostly stems from the curse that is perfectionism and my striving to attain the unattainable.

Throughout the book, Brene provides practical advice for how to combat this way of thinking—this way of living. As she says herself, her research is a journey that takes you from “What will people think?” to “I am enough.”

It’s personal, it’s practical, and it is absolutely powerful.

This post hardly scratches the surface of all the gold this book contains, but let me encourage you to check it out for yourself. If you struggle with letting people see the real you because you’re afraid of the rejection that might come as a result, rest assured, you’re not alone.

It’s called “Daring Greatly.” And it’s highly recommended.